So, there I was in Charleston at my annual team meeting. We had just endured our first day of meetings, and it wasn't too bad. My boss's boss, Mike, (our team leader) takes our sales team, about 25 people, out to dinner at a really nice restaurant to celebrate a really great fiscal year year.
So after dinner, we have our annual informal team recognition. Mike begins telling us how much he really appreciates everyone's efforts this year and yada, yada, yada.
Next, he gets around to recognizing the new team members. So, he comes to my table and starts talking about Lauren, a cute 22 year-old female, two years out of college. He talks about her background, her past achievements, and then he says, "I'm really looking forward to Lauren's contributions to the team. She has a lot of untapped potential....and we're going to tap it!"
No! He didn't just say he was going to tap it! But he continues, "We are going to tap it and get all we can from her." I thought I would die! Thank God I was a plebe at West Point and can maintain my bearing through anything. I saw my finance manager and shopper research expert in the corner dying a silent death of laughter. Oh, how much torture it was not to die laughing, but I knew he'd never let it go or forgive me.
Lauren, who definitely is more hip than Mike, no doubt understands the connotations and is blushing. For a 40ish out-of-touch male, he apparently assumes that the embarassment is from the public recognition, not the fact that he said he was going to "tap it" in reference to her.
The funny/sad thing is that Mike continues to make statements like this and is completely oblivious to what he says. That dinner is a running joke in our office and an unending source of entertainment as we make veiled references to those comments during our many, many team meetings.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Sneaky and Underhanded
I was posting on my wife's computer and she decided to be sneaky and post on my blog while I was unaware. Here's what she thinks is funny to post on my blog. OBTW, better watch out:
I like to wear women's clothing. Sometimes when my wife is out, I go through her closet and try to find something that will fit. Unfortunately, her bras aren't big enough for me to wrap around my thick chest and I haven't figured out a way to buy myself one without drawing suspicion to myself. They'd probably just snag and pull out my chest hairs anyway. I also sneak into her makeup bag. Once I had to race upstairs to wipe off the blood red lipstick because she came home early. I blamed the red stain around my mouth on that Cinnamon Crest Whitening Expressions toothpaste. She lauged at me. I was just relieved she didn't suspect a thing. I know I shouldn't tell my wife about my darkest secrets by posting them on the internet, but I just can't bring myself to tell her in person. I'm afraid she will leave me, and I just can't afford the child support and alimony now that we have five children. Children - I now have 5 of them I have to hide my secrets from. The crazy thing is, if you are still reading this, you will now discover that my wife is trying to teach me a lesson about blogging. Never EVER log into your account and leave it up on your wife's computer. There is just no telling what she will post on your account. There is a Sign Out link at the top right of the page. Try clicking on that, and then your wife won't be tempted to post silly things about you on the internet. Oh yes, and one last thing. My wife loves me very much!
I like to wear women's clothing. Sometimes when my wife is out, I go through her closet and try to find something that will fit. Unfortunately, her bras aren't big enough for me to wrap around my thick chest and I haven't figured out a way to buy myself one without drawing suspicion to myself. They'd probably just snag and pull out my chest hairs anyway. I also sneak into her makeup bag. Once I had to race upstairs to wipe off the blood red lipstick because she came home early. I blamed the red stain around my mouth on that Cinnamon Crest Whitening Expressions toothpaste. She lauged at me. I was just relieved she didn't suspect a thing. I know I shouldn't tell my wife about my darkest secrets by posting them on the internet, but I just can't bring myself to tell her in person. I'm afraid she will leave me, and I just can't afford the child support and alimony now that we have five children. Children - I now have 5 of them I have to hide my secrets from. The crazy thing is, if you are still reading this, you will now discover that my wife is trying to teach me a lesson about blogging. Never EVER log into your account and leave it up on your wife's computer. There is just no telling what she will post on your account. There is a Sign Out link at the top right of the page. Try clicking on that, and then your wife won't be tempted to post silly things about you on the internet. Oh yes, and one last thing. My wife loves me very much!
No kidding, he really said it
OK, so I'm 3 sentences in to a very funny story about what happened during my team meeting in Charleston and all of a sudden screeeeecccccchhhhhh.....I can't publish what happened at work. What if my boss's boss were to read this? Would he get pissed off? Would it hurt my career? So painful! Ack! So, what do you post outside of what could get you in trouble? Isn't it the stuff that gets you in trouble that's fun? Ah! So much bottled up inside and now that I finished my 27 page communications audit, I actually have time to blog. Well, this is going to take some thought as I'm waiting for the pizza to come. Can't wait to tell you about "tapping it".
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